Monday, July 23, 2007

I said Yes, but didn't go

For awhile now, oh, going on five plus years, I've had a yes in my heart toward the Lord about a certain thing.

A lifestyle, really, to which I said a rousing "yes" in my heart when I first heard the message on the contemplative lifestyle even though I was full aware of my weakness to execute.

But in my weakness, He is strong, right?

A few months ago, I was in a Spinning class muttering to God as I rode up a pretend hill how I just needed grace to be more devoted to fasting and prayer, living a contemplative life.
And guess what He said?

I about fell off the bike. My heart sank right down to my toes.

"You're quickly becoming like the son who said yes, I'll go to the vineyard but didn't."

Who? Me? Oh, no!

But I knew it was true. How long can I claim weakness and frailty when the living Lord dwells within me? How long can I want but never try?

He wasn't mad at me. Just right. In a way, giving me the option to say, "Hey, forget it, I don't want to live a life of prayer and fasting."

But, I do.
I want to do His will. He's called me to an intimate place and I want to be found there. My writing and everything else is life comes from those inner chamber moments.

So, I resolved to put a bit more muscle behind my desires.

At the End of the Age, or the End of My Life, which ever comes first, I want to stand before Him as a faithful one.

Which leads me to my next confession.
I've been struggling lately. Whine, whine, blah, blah... And no, I don't need rehab or counseling. My faithful husband keeps lifting my chin so my eyes see Jesus instead of my navel.

So, yesterday at church, one of the singers starts with a "prophetic" song. It was my Sunday not to lead worship so I sat among the congregation, worshipping.

Now, those of you from charismatic churches know what I'm talking about:
I heard the song... and rolled my eyes. Not in the mood for a song...

Yet, being the mature Christian woman I am, *a-hem* I listened to this song from the Lord, and was HUMBLED.

The words began to strike my heart. My eyes teared up.

"You are in a hard place, but don't worry, you've done nothing wrong. Stay on the journey."

I don't know about any one else, but that song was for me! It addressed my heart and fear - "I'm in a hard place, did I do something wrong? How do I get out of it?"

No and I don't. I keep on.
Thank goodness for the faithfulness of the singer because it was the Word of the Lord I needed yesterday. The singer was right, I was out of line.

And, in the midst of my eye rolling, the Lord used me to impart something to another member of the Body of Christ.

Isn't He cool?

So, go on about your life, be faithful, listen for encouragement from the Lord in the familiar and unfamiliar places.

You are His favorite one.

(cross posted from


Rel said...

I love your voice, Rach! When I get my faithchick update, I always know when it is you before getting to the bottom and seeing your lovely dial! (Aussie slang!)

Thanks for sharing this - it has moved me too and hopefully I will heed God's patient call on my life :)

Sharon Hayes said...

Rachel thanks for opening your heart to us. You are an encouragement and a challenger.

Georgiana D said...

Living a life of fasting a prayer sounds like a huge challenge, one that can be met only by the grace of God. What an awesome reminder that it's a priviledge to walk the narrow path with Him.