Journaling, blogging and other drugs

I guess I could say most of my life journaling, or writing a diary, was my "drug." My self therapy, my way of coping.

My first diary was a little red book with a lock and key. I was six. Goodness knows I didn't want my mom snooping among the pages to find out I didn't know how to spell the word "because." Lock that baby UP!

Throughout elementary school and junior high, I kept various forms of diaries. Wrote a few stories. But by 9th grade, journaling became a part of my daily life.

I wrote day my day's events and subsequent emotions nightly. Writing forced me to recognize my own feelings and fears, helped me understand any teen angst I was enduring, or figure out of my heart twitterpations would really lead to love.

The tradition continued until I was married at 31. By age 32, my writing became more spiritual, more prayer and Word oriented. As I matured in my faith and walk with Jesus, I understood more of His Word and journaling became about His insights rather than my own.

And that has to be a good thing!

What I needed all those pining high school and college years was more understanding of Jesus.

In 2002, I discovered Diaryland through a post Deb Raney sent to the ACFW email loop. She wrote that the great and talented Angie Hunt was web logging on her writing process.

So I hopped on over. To be honest, I'm not even sure I got to Angie's post -- oh yeah, she was talking about her taxes -- but I was hooked on writing my own web log.

A few things had to change. Like, I couldn't be quite as honest and raw online as I was off line. I still have all my journals but I might require them to be destroyed upon my death. Or before.

But I loved recording life on Diaryland. I'd just started writing a book that would become my first Heartsong Presents.

In '04, a friend built my first web site off Blogger and I've been here ever since. But here's the crux...

I'm writing more. Much more. I've written 15 novels since '02 when I landed in Diaryland.

I've blogged for Faithchicks. Now I'm intertwined with the lovely southern belles on southernbelleview. I blog there every Thursday, and for My Book Therapy.

By the time I consider my own blog, I'm out of words. Out of energy. Often, out of time. I've considered dropping this blog from my web site. But... I can't quite do it.

There has to be a place to do what I'm doing right now -- thinking out loud. Sharing my heart. My good friend over at girlswriteout, Kristin Billerbeck, also blogs her unique and funny view of the world over on girlygirl. She makes me green with envy at the time and patience she has to chronicle her life and musings.

I feel rather boring. We don't have TV channels so I'm not up to date on the Bachelor or American Idol. Lots of my writer friends blog about those things.

I don't have kids. My sister blogs hilarious stories about her babies (now 17, 15, 7 and 5!)

Awesome-hubs and I are kind of home bodies so I can't blog about my big adventure at the art show or kayaking on the river. I mean I could, but it'd be fiction.

I could blog about the great time we had last night with a half dozen or so folks who came to the house for our "Encounter God" night. We just put on Jesus Culture and worshipped for two hours.

Who needs "drugs" after that?!

What I've realized over time is that journaling or keeping a diary satisfied some deep, inner core need to tell a story. So it was my story. So it doubled as therapy. But putting words to the page reaches to the essence of my soul and makes it go, "Ahh! This is what I was made to do."

If no publisher ever wanted me again, I'd sit in my tower and write blogs. Though I'd rather write fiction any day over real events. I graduated from OSU's J-school but being a reporter never wowed me like being a novelist.

Don't get me wrong. Writing books is hard work. Oy! More than you realize before you start out. It's not enough to be a great writer, you have to be a promoter, a high-concept thinker, and so many other things.

But I do love it. "Ahh, this is what I was made to do."

So I'm blogging today. I've decided to stop feeling guilty that I don't have a bazillion blog followers, or that I don't blog regular, or have some kind of "brand" going on here.

It's just me. Rachel Hauck. My brand is friendship. A little bit of me sharing with a little bit of you. My brand is Jesus. Letting His love shine even in my weakness.

You know, I saw a twitter the other day that sounds sooo good, but in reality for those who follow Jesus, so missed the mark.

"You're stronger than you know."

Truth? We're far weaker than we know BUT Jesus is far stronger than we realize or dare to believe. Our problem is not being strong enough. Our problem is being weak and letting HIM be strong.

Ever see a little kid try to tote something heavy? They are so sure they can do it but the item is too big and bulky, too weighty. You try to help, but the kid says, "I can do it."

Yeah, really? I hope you have steel toed baby Nikes cause that thing is gonna fall and hurt. Despite the kid's best effort, he's not getting the job done.

What we have to learn to discern is the difference of bearing our own load and letting Him bear our burden.

We have to be strong... IN THE LORD, and the strength of His might. We do wayyy too much in our own strength.

Do you want to be strong? Be weak before the Lord. Let Him be your strength.

That's where I am. In everything. Weak before the Lord. If there's a next level, a next place for me, He must do it.

Who needs therapy or drugs when Jesus is in charge? He's the Prince of Peace. Rest in Him.