How do I love Thee

Sunday during the service, I was privileged to be among the congregation and not up stage leading worship.

All I could sense in my heart and mind, "Jesus, I don't love you enough. How can I love you more?" I cut these lines from the stanza of Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

It may just be that we cannot know the width, length, height and depth of His love in this life. Paul writes we "see through a glass dimly." We don't have the fullness of God's love and beauty. Not in this life. But in the next. . . but in the next.

I want to love Him more. But I'm weak. I'm selfish and concerned about my fleshly comforts. I'm easily distracted and interrupted. I wish I could turn my chest inside out and just. . . "HERE! Take it all!"

In my mind's eye, I'm a fierce warrioress. I'm quick, swift, and agile. I'm ready at any moment to run at the Lord's command. Like, yeah, you don't want to mess with me! :) But in reality, I'm a frumpy house frau with visions of spiritual heights. I'm Achilles in Troy. (Not the naked Brad Pitt version, but you know what I mean.) But it takes spiritual discipline and training to get there. My emotions and affections must be changed.

Love is the change agent. Understanding His love for me. And loving Him more, and more. There is no limit to His willingness for us to love Him more. And there is no force more powerful than a loved woman!

I want to be vigilant, even violent in my soul for Him. Warring against my own flesh and sin to be so single focused on Him. I don't want religion or platitudes. I want Jesus. Religion gets in the way. Platitudes make us feel holy when in fact we are not.

BAM!

Well, we're glued to the TV these days, watching Todd Bentley and the healing revival God is doing over in Lakeland.

Just through the TV, we feel the anointing, tear up as we watch chronically ill people receive healing.

Todd's fun to watch. He'll exclaim, "Bam!" as he prays for people. Today, he explained the phrase just comes out of him. He doesn't intend to say it.

God loves to do fun and unusual stuff. If the weirdest thing a healing revivalist does is cry out, "Bam!" how can we complain? ;)

Anyway, watching this has really increased Tony and my faith to pray and believe for healing. This morning (Sunday) Tony spoke at the Vineyard Church and afterwards, we prayed for people.

An older woman came to me for prayer for her knee. She had knee replacement surgery in December and has been in pain and discomfort since.

I ask the Lord to heal her. She went out in the spirit and as she lay on the floor, her knee twitched and moved. The result?

Pain gone. She could bend and raise her knee which she hadn't been able to do in years. She knew she was healed.

She even got on her hands and knees - another thing she couldn't do - and got up off the floor. Stood on one leg, the "damaged" leg and felt no pain. Nor was she wobbly!

Isn't God good? AMEN!

Our friend Chelle was with us and she prayed for a man who's back was in pain. He felt heat and the pain left.

We are excited. God is moving! God HEALS!

The tongue and the word

Last night, I joined Tony and his crew for the down town ministry. Until now, I've only been going up to the coffee shop at 9:00 for the Dream Team.

I didn't want to participate in the down town ministry. No particular reason other than. . . I didn't want to be bothered.

One day as I prayed, I realized God was not limiting me, I limited myself. I cannot grow in love without extending beyond my comfort zone.

The down town ministry was birthed out of Tony's self-extension, realizing he needed to get out of the four walls of the church. For over a year, he met with a team down at the beach to witness of Christ, cold, to passers-by.

Then, God put on his heart to go door-to-door in one of the worst neighborhoods - an old apartment complex - and ask people if he and our friend Ted could pray for them.

Two years later, a team of people meet in down town house churches and prayer walk the area.

Subtly, God spoke to me about going. You know, one of those ways where I could've said no as easily as saying yes.

I decided to say yes. So, last night, sitting in a hot apartment with interesting smells, I studied the book of James with men and women who were down but not out.

I instantly loved them, felt their pain, and wondered at what point they made the decision that brought them to the life they now led - out of work, fighting drugs or alcohol, apart from their families.

And I learned from James. For over a decade now, I've been on a word diet, watching what I say and how. God seriously impressed on me the power of my words and how I cannot tear down those He wants to build up.

So, look at what James writes in chapter three.

"Now if we put the bits into the horses' mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. Look at the ships also, though they are great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. So also the tongue is a small part of the body and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire."

A horse is our individual destinies we set with our tongue - good or evil. A ship represents the destiny of many. Our tongue can hurt others as much as hurting ourselves.

Sticks and stones can break our bones, but words can destroy us and those around us - friends, family, co-workers.

So, with my new friends, I was reminded of the power of my speech and to guard my tongue. Speak life and hope, not death and despair.

I remember when I first signed with Thomas Nelson. I was so excited. Then hit with panic. "I can't write for them," I said. "I'm not good enough."

The Lord gently tapped me on the shoulder. "Hey, keep prophesying that to yourself and don't be surprised when bad happens."

Oops. I repented and began to declare good things. I was the "little writer that could" and I said it over and over.

Besides, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Don't agree with the negative feelings and circumstances. While they may be real and need confrontation, don't agree with every bad or negative thought and feeling. It will get you nowhere!

Figure out what God says about you and declare it over yourself.

Okay, more later on Sweet Caroline behind the scenes. I know I promised to write it and never did!

Peace, peace!