All I could sense in my heart and mind, "Jesus, I don't love you enough. How can I love you more?" I cut these lines from the stanza of Elizabeth Barrett Browning:
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
It may just be that we cannot know the width, length, height and depth of His love in this life. Paul writes we "see through a glass dimly." We don't have the fullness of God's love and beauty. Not in this life. But in the next. . . but in the next.
I want to love Him more. But I'm weak. I'm selfish and concerned about my fleshly comforts. I'm easily distracted and interrupted. I wish I could turn my chest inside out and just. . . "HERE! Take it all!"
In my mind's eye, I'm a fierce warrioress. I'm quick, swift, and agile. I'm ready at any moment to run at the Lord's command. Like, yeah, you don't want to mess with me! :) But in reality, I'm a frumpy house frau with visions of spiritual heights. I'm Achilles in Troy. (Not the naked Brad Pitt version, but you know what I mean.) But it takes spiritual discipline and training to get there. My emotions and affections must be changed.
Love is the change agent. Understanding His love for me. And loving Him more, and more. There is no limit to His willingness for us to love Him more. And there is no force more powerful than a loved woman!
I want to be vigilant, even violent in my soul for Him. Warring against my own flesh and sin to be so single focused on Him. I don't want religion or platitudes. I want Jesus. Religion gets in the way. Platitudes make us feel holy when in fact we are not.
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3 comments:
"Religion" does get in the way. Our relationship with Him is crowded by the things that man has tried to add to it.
I've often had to pray for God to change my heart, to help me with my desires, to help me want the things He does.
My husband has been reading me bits of a great book by John Piper, "When I Don't Desire GOD How to Fight for Joy". It has helped me quite a bit.
Side note: I can't lie- I had to look up "platitudes" for the definition. Wow. Thanks for this post.
Thank for this post, I believe the Holy Spirit is speaking to the church about love - when we truly love the Lord then we will obey Him. All the Life Groups @church will be starting 40 Days of Love (Rick Warren's 6-wk study) later this month.
Rachel you always give us good food for thought. Thank you, Love you MUCH!
Our pastor has been doing a series on Bliss (Battling for Joy) and has referenced John Piper's book as well. I want to read it, maybe over Christmas break. :)
Lots of love!!!
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