Summmer Love 5, Con't

Sat., April 23, '77

You're not going to believe today! Fantastic! But first, let me write about last night. Lorena and I went to Don Carters (bowling and pool.)

Pete and Bob were there. At first, Pete ignored me and I started feeling really bad. I went with Bob to get a drink (soda, y'all, I'm only 16 here) and Pete looks over at me.

"Makin' ya mad?"

I laughed. "No."

So, we talked for awhile, then Bob came over to join us and Kevin showed up. Pete told Kevin to finish his pool game, the leaves! Just great.

But today, Saturday. . . I went into work early with Lorena since she started at 9:00 and me at 10:00.

Waiting in the break room with my head on the table (spent the night with Lorena, I'm tired) I felt someone watching me. I look up. Pete's standing on the stairs. Smiling.

"Your hair looks nice."

"Thanks.

"You looked great last night, too."

Me, beaming.

"Are you going to Kendall Lanes tonight?

Me, shurgging: "I don't know, are you?'

"Well, if I cam by, I won't go there."

"What? Come by where?" I asked.

"Come by your house."

I couldn't believe it!

"Maybe we'll go to a movie or something."

"O-o-okay." I'm stunned, but not about to say or do anything to scare him off. By now, it's time for me to punch in, so I go downstairs, clock in and get out to a register.

At lunch, Pete asks, "Do you need a ride home?"

"Sure."

"Get off at 7:00?" Hint: he knows my schedule.

"Yeah." I tip my head to one side. "Are you sure you want to take me home?"

"Yeah, and I'll pick you up later. We'll go to a movie or something."

Well, scrap me from the ceiling, cause I'm flying high.

I have a bonifide date with Pete!!!

Faith Trumps Worry

Well, I'm at the ACFW Conference and things are gearing up. . . tonight is Opening Night! So many great friends and ACFWers.

Here's a blog from my husband. It encouraged me.

He writes:

I had two or three fairly large concerns on my mind, and had prayed about them, but was also trying to hear God regarding any actions I needed to take.

I’d spent about half an hour just walking, praying in the Spirit, and listening, but I hadn’t heard anything. Just when I was about to conclude that God wasn’t going to say anything to me today, He started speaking.

But He wasn’t answering my questions. He didn’t address anything I was worried about. Instead He began speaking vision to me for an upcoming ministry trip in February. As I was wondering why He was talking now, but ignoring my questions, He reminded me of the story of Elijah in I Kings 19.

Elijah had just called down fire from heaven on Mt. Carmel, then fled from the threat of Jezebel to Mt. Sinai, where he was telling God about how bad things were and how he was the only one left serving Him (see verse 14).

Romans 11:2-4 refers to this as the time Elijah interceded against Israel. In a weak moment he lost faith and saw things only from his human perspective. Basically he was ready to quit. So how did God respond? He gave Elijah something to do (three tasks to be exact), and reminded him that he wasn’t alone (I Kings 19:18).

He changed Elijah’s focus and perspective. By giving him tasks god was restoring faith and vision, and not accepting his resignation. So what was my take away? Don’t worry about those concerns I had. They’ll work out. Just focus on what God has for me to do.

So I did.

Great blog, babe!

The Conclusion of Summer Love to come soon. . .

Summer love, con't 3 - Spring '77

By now, my summer of '76 flirtmance with Pete Ramirez has weathered fall, winter, the dawn of a new year, '77, and entered into spring.

I lived for Saturdays. Once in awhile I saw him on a weekday. Thursday was pay day, so my friend Kay Lynette and I would go up to the store after school to pick up our checks.

There was a lot of nodding, smiling, winking and flirting between Pete and me, but our so-called relationship stalled.

I decided what ever comes, comes. For a sixteen year old crazy for a guy, I wrote some profound thoughts. "I just won't worry about it. Can't fix anything if I do. God help!"

Oddly enough, this lesson of patience in love would come into play twelve years later when I met a handsome pastor named Tony Hauck.

One Saturday in April, the store had inventory and in those days, the employees counted. I closed off my register last, which needless to say, ticked me off. I need to be free, out on the floor, wherever he was.

In the middle of counting those tiny packets of Koolaide, (was that five hundred and six or five hundred and seven? Well, I'm not starting over. . . ) I glanced up and he stood at the end of the aisle, watching me.

My heart jumped out of my chest, waved and winked, then sunk back down to my toes. He sauntered down the aisle smiling his wide white smile and started teasing me.

He'd call me ugly or something then ask, "Am I making you mad?"

"No, you can't make me mad," I said, turning my nose in the air.

We joked around a few more minutes, mindful not to be caught by management. They didn't mind our storemance, but kept a close eye on disturbing the help.

Then he drops asked, "Do you need a ride home?"

Typically my best friend Lorena drove me home, but I dumped her in a heartbeat. "Sure."

"Okay, I'm punching out. I'll wait for you outside."

I stared at him. "Are you sure?" Guess I was waiting for the punch line or the change of mind.

"Yes. Hurry."

You never saw a girl count Koolaide so fast. We didn't tell anyone our arrangement. I punched out and ran out to the parking lot.

Pete had the coolest car. A blue with yellow stripe '69 Mach 1 Mustang. However, tonight he was driving his Dad's Cadillac El Dorado.

So we cruised down US 1 to Perrine where I lived.

The house was dark. My parents were in Tallahassee. Little did I know there vist there would change the summer of '77 forever.

"Are you sure it's safe down here?"

I laughed. "Yes." The road was very dark.

"Maybe I could give you a ride home next week, then we could go out."

"S-sure."

"Maybe I'll see you later at Don Carters."

"Yeah, Lorena and Dwayne are coming to pick me up."

He smiled. "You really are beautiful, Rachel, you know that?"

Gulp. I do now.

Summerance Part III (March '77)

(... We join our characters-in-the-past already in conversation)

"Joanie, what did you say?" There's a knot in the pit of my stomach.

"I told him, 'Rachel really likes you. Why do you keep playing games with her. Your breaking her heart. This is the second time you've stood her up."

His response? "I'm not playing games. I do want to take her out."

Now what am I supposed to think?

Summer love, con't 2

"I don't know how to tell you this. . ." he began.

"You're chickening out on me, right?" I said.

"No, I just gotta do something tonight. I just can't make it, Rachel." He stood aways from me, saying my name over and over. "You just have to understand, Rachel. I don't want to hurt you."

My heart was breaking. Hurt, mad and sad, I tried to be brave. He couldn't see my tears.

Finally, Pete asked, "Don't you have anything to say?"

I stood. "I have to get my head on straight, Pete. I'll be back." I walked out, feeling his eyes watching me.

Away from him, I burst into tears and ran out to the parking lot. My dear male bosses tried to help me (can you believe I sucked them into the drama) but what could they do? They listened, and counseled. But certainly couldn't make Pete keep his word.

Pulling myself together, I went to find Pete. (Yeah, I'm going to have to punch in somewhere here and get to work. But please, the soap opera first!)

I tried to tell him how I felt, but he insisted I could do better than him. "I'm too crude for you, Rachel. I'm too selfish. I need to stay focused on becoming a millionaire."

(Yeah, he had a lot of B.S. in him.)

But when he confessed, "Rachel, I don't want you to be upset, or to hurt you. I never meant for it to go this far," my tears sprang up again.

The confession cut deep. I tried not to cry. Finally, he said, "Look, if you want me to take you out-"

"No."

His big brown eyes held me. "Look, I'll take you to lunch and we can talk about it, okay? So hang loose."

I agreed. (Hey, I'm 16 what do you expect? At least I said no to the mercy date! I had some savvy.)

He went back to work whileI cried, cried and cried.

By the time I punched in, all the males of the store and most of the females were completely on my side, (poor Pete) and coddled me. One of the manager let me make sales signs instead of working on the register.

When it came time for lunch, he drove me over to McDonalds. At first we just stared at each other or in opposite directions, but finally started to discuss the problem.

"I'm too selfish, Rach. I'd rather drive golf balls. See."

I didn't buy it. "Well, maybe I'd like to drive golf balls, too. Ever think of that?"

Anyway, sitting in Cutler Ridge McDonalds, we talked for a long time. About our families, our lives, dreams and goals. We really had a great time. Maybe I had my date after all.

He went home and I went back to work. The heart break eased, a little.

Then my friend Joanie caught me in the back hall and said, "Rachel, I talked to Pete before he left."

I could feel the blood draining from my face. "Oh no, you didn't."

She nods. "I did. Here's what I told him. . . "

Summer love, con't

Love sick. There's nothing worse than being love sick at fifteen.

I worked at the Cutler Ridge, FL Publix (0086) and every summer evening when I went to work, an anxious, excited flutter ran through my middle when I walked through the door.

Pete was seventeen, dark, handsome, with a wide white smile. Just about a glance of his eye captured my heart. I couldn't eat and he was all I could think or talk about.

Our drama involved the entire store, practically. They all knew I was head-over-heels and he was jerking me around. Flirting, drawing me close, then pushing me away.

On Saturdays, I'd go in early so I could sit upstairs in the breakroom and wait for the part time stockmen to come up on break.

One morning, I was sitting there alone, reading. Suddenly, I felt eyes on me. I looked up. My heart stopped. There he was. Dark eyes watching me. He smiled and I might have said, "Take me now."

Just kidding. It was fun, sweet, innocent, but very real. My heart was definitely engaged. Pete was the store hunk and to have him looking at me spiked my confidence level a hundred percent.

So, all summer I pined and pained. Loved and lost. At fifteen, I couldn't go out with him anyway, but I so wanted him to by my boyfriend.

Summer ended. School started. I went into tenth grade, he went to his first year of Miami-Dade Jr. College.

I worked at night. He worked in the mornings. "Ahhhhh! My life is over." Like a crazed girl, I reworked my school and work schedule, switching from the afternoon shift to the morning shift so I could work some time where I might see him. If I went to school in the afternoon, I'd never work mornings. But If I went to school in the mornings, I could leave early and go to work, and maybe catch him for a few minutes.

Oh yeah, I was flipped.

Mostly, I lived for Saturdays. He'd catch me alone in the back hall and tell me I was beautiful, and breaking his heart. But he'd never take it beyond the work-day flirt.

Meanwhile, since I was only a fifteen/sixteen year old girl, I freely feel for the cute dark-headed senior at school.

That fall he turned eighteen, I turned sixteen. I so wanted to spend my sixteenth birthday with him. But instead, went out with my mom, dad and brother. A nice fancy dinner place with dancing. On my sixteenth birthday, I danced with my older brother.

Every girls dream, at sixteen, right. Ha. (Thirty years later, thanks Mom and Danny.)

Finally, Pete asked me out. The date was set for next week. That Saturday I walked on clouds through the Publix doors. I'm going out with Pete.

"Hey, Rach," he said when I walked in. "Can I talk to you."

"Y-yeah, sure..."

What? Summer's almost over?

Wait, I'm not tan.

I haven't been to the beach.

What happened to the week I planned to lay in the sun and read.

Crud.

What happened to my summer vacation? Oh, yeah, what summer vacation?

Sigh.

Remember summer vacations. How much fun it was to wait for the last day of school? Going to little league games and the community pool, seeing all your friends.

The summer I was 14, I got a job at Publix. So I worked a little bit every day. Made a whole $35 a week!

The next summer, I "fell in love" with Pete Rameriz. What a flirt. Called me all kinds of mean things like, "Beautiful" and "Blue eyes."

He and his friends actually convinced me it was true. Later, in the fall, we...

Oh my gosh. Look at the time. I have got to get to work on these edits.

Chow.

Toilet Seats

I know, weird blog title, but some things just need to be said.

This one is for the laaadiees.

Please, please, from the bottom of my heart, if you are one of those women afraid to sit on a public toilet seat because you're paranoid of germs, please, please from the bottom of my heart, DON'T PEE ON THE SEAT and leave it there.

I'm SO flabergasted this. I walk into a public restroom and find a flushed toilet but with pee dribbles on the seat. How? How does this happen? Do you not see the residue when you turn around to flush. Wipe the SEAT down for crying out loud. THEN wash your hands.

How can you not sit on a seat because you're afraid someone of someone else's germs, but have no qualms leaving behind a few of your own?

Look, I'm somewhat of a germaphobe myself, but I wipe down the seat and cover it with TP. I make sure everything is tidy before I leave.

Okay, rant it over. Shew. Thanks so much.

End of an Era

Last night was our final, final youth church. The end of an era. Thinking about it made me tear up a few times, and in some deep place, I wondered what will happen with me and Tony.

Last night worshipping with only teens in a darkened, stage-lit sanctuary. Last night to bond with a new set of teens coming up. Last night to join them all for Checkers afterwards.

I'll miss them. The music. His Presence.

But, it's Matt and Jodi's now. Their's to run with. Their's to hear God about and impart a deeper, broader vision. I'm excited for them.

Last night also made me sum up all the changes this year, and while I've emotionally rolled with most of them, some sorta make me sad.

The Olinksi and Ganda moves. Losing Jack. My mom selling her house in Tallahassee. She's moving to Tennessee. I'm really happy for her, and my grandmother, but sometimes it feels like there's no "home place."

Being without children, it's hard to feel like my home is the home place, and while 3 of my 4 other siblings have lived with me in adult life, none of them are here now. And we live the farthest away. (No, please, this is not a pity party. I hate those.)

Dad being gone. I miss him. I feel like, "Okay, you've been dead long enough, time to live again so we can talk to you."

Anyway, just some random thoughts. But I was comforted by this verse in Job this morning. (yeah, truly, a verse in Job comforted me.)

Job 22:25-26; "Then the Almighty will be your gold and choice silver to you. For then you will delight in the Almighty and lift up your face to Him."

No matter what, He is my exceeding great reward. My shelter. My comfort. My lover. My home. My heart. The lifter of my head. He will never leave or forsake me.

I don't have to worry.

Big Brother All-Stars

I confess. I've been watching Big Brother All-Stars this season. Oh no, oh no. This is only the second Big Brother show I've watched, but boy, the drama drew me in.

I went to Spinning tonight. Then lifted weights. Starving when I got home, but I resisted pigging out. I have to lose at least 15 lbs by the time we go on vacation in November. I can do it.

Mulling over a new story idea. Next deadline is March 1st. i received my editorial emails today. Haven't opened them yet. I will in the morning. I have two editors reporting in so I'll compare notes and go from there. They both loved Diva NashVegas.

Now, can I write another solid story. Did I accidentally raise the bar too high? The insecurities of a writer never end. But wait, my God will help me! He said.

I wonder what the scripture will be for next book?

Grace and Peace.

Long Day

Led worship.

Ate pizza.

Band practice. Actually, we recorded a CD so I can send it to the ACFW conference worship team. It was fun.

Three women showed up at church right after "the recording" and wanted prayer. I prayed with them for a while. The Lord met them. How cool is He? One woman came in not knowing God cared for her. She left KNOWING how much He does CARE for her. Should have seen the smile on her face. Actually, her countenance changed. It bears repeating. How cool is He?!

Bone tired. Came home. Fixed a light dinner. Watched Big Brother.

Am now reading. Well, fixing to read.

No edits from my editor on Diva NashVegas yet, but her Friday email said, "The manuscript is in GREAT shape. I'm so pleased."

My heart skipped a beat. God told me He would help me, and He did. The book was hard to write, but my God is faithful. He promised me Isaiah 41:13, and even though I doubted, He never waivered.

I'm humbled. How much He loves me!

Blustery Day

It's a stormy and blustery day. I'm sleepy. Going to take a nap.

Resolved

Resolved: To figure out why I can't stand to see my "round" thighs in the mirror during a 6:00 a.m. Spinning class, but forget completely about the matter by lunch time when I'm ordering McDonald's French fries.

What is up with that?

Okay, it's not every day I leave Spinning and order fat food, but how is my distain for being 20 lbs overweight so negated by the pleasure of food? Gotta tell ya, when I'm good and hungry, peeled carrots just don't hit the spot.

How can I want rock hard abs and a bag of chips at the same time? Why do I work at working out (work being the cornerstone word here) yet work so little at watching what goes down between the teeth and gums.

Hum?

The apostle Paul had it right. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is so weak.

This I have resolved, though it's not been tested. To follow my Lover to the end.

Doesn't this statement scare the wits out of you? "Because lawlessness is increased, most people's love will grow cold." Matt 24:12

I do not want my love to grow cold.

Fox News correspondent Steve Centanni and his cameraman, Olaf Wiig were kiddnapped and "... forced to convert to Islam at gunpoint," Centanni said. "Don't get me wrong here. I have the highest respect for Islam, and I learned a lot of good things about it, but it was something we felt we had to do because they had the guns, and we didn't know what the hell was going on."

Tony and I chatted about this during our drive up to the city dump after purging our yard of wild bush and tree limbs.

"What would you do if a gun was pointed at you and it was convert to Isalm or be shot?" I asked him.

Of course I knew the answer. "Jesus! I'm home."

Driving up the road, safe for now in my own country, my heart told me I'd say, "Shoot me." But who knows how I'd really respond in the critical moment? I'd pray for the courage to say, "Jesus loves you. Shoot me if you must."

This is the scary thing we have to ask ourselves. "Will our love grow cold as lawlessness takes over the world?"

What will you do if the gun is pointed at your head? What if it's in your own neighborhood or church sanctuary?

Beloved, we have to wake up to the hour in which we live in. There's a holy war going on whether we want to believe it or not. Whether the news media wants to report it as such or not.

Like Jesus asked Peter, "Who do you say that I am?"

Are we ready to stand? Are we ready to die for truth?

I want all the world to know Him. By love, not by gunpoint. I want my resolve to love Him until the end of the age to be stronger than my less than stellar resolve to have rock hard abs.

We battle not against flesh and blood, but against world forces of wickedness in heavenly places. Awake O, sleeper. Awake.

Dawn is upon us.

Dreams

Dreams are important. We have to have dreams. They are the avenue that gives us hope when life drives us into the pit.

A pastor friend of mine said, "Most people end up being pitologist rather than dreamers."

Pitologist - Student of pits.

Life knocks us into the pit and we find ourselves studying and relating to our surroundings rather than holding onto our dreams.

"Oh well, guess that dream isn't coming true."

Joseph in the Bible was a dreamer. In fact, God spoke to him about his destiny in dreams. He said to his father and brothers in Genesis 37.

Listen," he said, "I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me."

But, his father rebuked him and said, "What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?"

His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind.

I've heard some say Joseph was arrogant to share his dreams. Thus, he ended up being dropped into a pit and sold into slavery. I think the opposite, Joseph was declaring his dreams and believing in them.

Sometimes our family and friends steal our dreams with their criticism or doubt. Whether your dreams are birthed while you sleep, or dropped in your heart and mind, cling to them. Don't give up.

Go to the Lord and ask for more clarity and revelation. Sure, not all of our dreams are from God. Don't see me winning Grammy awards do you?

But the dream to become a writer was from God, and He helped me see it through.

I have to admit I'm one very blessed woman. My parents and family have always supported me. My husband is a huge encourager and diffuser of discouragement.

But if you have to fight your own doubts as well as others, don't despair. Lean on Jesus. He's all we really need anyway.

Forget life's circumstances and dream. Where are we, really, without them. No matter how big or how small.

Dream a little dream with me.

What? 5:00 a.m.

The alarm jolted me awake at 5:09 a.m. Ohhhh, please. It's so early. But I dragged myself out of bed, got ready, gathered my stuff, pulled out of the garage, hit the car of the person parked behind me in the driveway ( I wasn't awake and it was DARK) went in and woke up our house guest and asked her to move her car, got back in my car and went to the GYM!

Yeah, baby. Spinning Class at 5:50.

So far, not too sore. It's been almost two months since I went to the gym. I wanted to stay for focused on finishing Diva NashVegas.

Now, I have to clean my house. I was going to yesterday but the vacuum wasn't working. Weird. So, I ran the outside hose door down the vacuum hose and eeww, you should've seen all the hair and stuff that came out of the nozzle.

Now, to start the process all over again.

Going to Barnes & Noble tonight at 9:00 to meet up with my friend Esther from Kansas City, and her friend Leah, whom I also love.

Peace out.

Saturday, Sleepy Day

Home from Poughkeepsie. We had a great time. God is so good and faithful. Our last meeting was Wednesday night and we lingered in worship and God's presence from 7:30 to 11:00.

We had prayer time in the middle where people gathered in groups of four to six and prayed for each other. Lots of good stuff happening.

The Lord is so generous. He loves to give to His Beloved. Just ask.

Did I mentioned we played Euchre every night. About midnight 'til two a.m. Perfect fun for me. God and cards with friends.

We were going to go down to the City on Thursday, but we were all too tired so we hung around the house, went to the movie, then out to dinner. Marlow's brother Terry and his wife, Kayle, joined us. Terry is one of my favorite worship leaders.

Next to you, Javi.

Got up at four a.m. Friday to get down to the JFK for our flight home. So very tired. Came home, got sorted out, took a brief, very brief nap, then went to Fire Dweller.

We've hit a new place in Fire Dweller. Aerobic intercession. At least when Javier leads. He had Alex on drums, and Christian played congas.

I'm telling you... They get in a musical groove and God is there. We were worshipping whole heartedly. Not for the sake of emotion or the music, but interceeding for our city, the lost, for God's purposes. It's amazing. And really, so fun.

Who says prayer and worship and intercession has to be boring. Teens and adults alike jumping and worshipping for well over an hour at Mach 10. And the AC isn't that great.

Smelled like feet in the sanctuary aftewards. LOL.

Going to have to require more deodorant for everyone for the summer time aerobic worship sessions.

We are in a war people. For our own lives but for our family's, our friend's, our city's. Matthew 11:12 Jesus says the kingdom of God suffers violence and the violent take it by force. He's not speaking of man-like violence, but heavenly violence. Prayer and worship. Fasting.

Jesus was violent on this earth. Yet He was the most kind and humble man who ever lived.

We have to engage in war. Spiritual war. Partner with Him to establish His kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.

Look at the middle east. They are violent about establishing their kingdom by human force. Their plan is know, declared and obvious.

We as Christians sit back and wait too much for God to move. Let's be in prayer. In His Word and BELIEVE He will tell us, reveal to our hearts, what He wants done. Then go do it.

It is His heart to work in and through us. Don't be a bench warmer. Get on the field. Make a play!

Peace.

Hump Day - Wednesday

Feels more like the final day, but it's only Wednesday. Flying up to Poughkeepsie on Saturday then getting busy with the week's meetings on Sunday has kind of skewed my weekly timing.

We are having a blast. God is so very faithful and good. He's meeting and encouraging the people of The River Church, connecting hearts and reestablishing relationships.

It's so great for us to be with Marlow and Tonya again, and Mike and Lisa.

I spoke last night on the Love of God. Did okay I guess. God showed up and poured out His love on people which is far better than how well I spoke.

The weather is beautiful.

It's been a good week.

Tomorrow we are going down to the City. Hopefully, we'll see a show.

Hosea 10:12 Sow to yourself in righteousness, reap in mercy, break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the Lord until He comes to rain righteousness upon you.

I love this verse. It's speaks of stirring ourselves up to seek the Lord. To call upon Him. Break up the crusty, dry place of our lives by seeking the Lord. Ask Him to come and rain on you, encourage you, water the dry places. He will.

The booksigning and Pougkeepsie

Just a few minutes to "chat." I'm in Poughkeepsie, NY at The River Church and the evening service is about to start. Tony is speaking.

We flew up yesterday for a series of summer renewal meetings. We first met the people here 9 years ago when we brought the youth band up for a Youth Rally. It was amazing, more than any of us expected.

God is already pouring out this weekend and we feel in our spirits He is up to something good for the people here and in this city.

I speak Tuesday night on God's love.

More on this week later, I'm sure.

The booksigning at Barnes & Noble was so very fun. Great turn out. They accidentally received two cases of my books and we sold all of the books except two. How fun.

The other authors, Roxanne, Leslie and Karen were fabulous signing mates and we had a great time together.

Big thanks to Barnes & Noble and Roxanne for putting it together.

Well, better go. Grace and peace.

Sent in Diva

Just clicked Send on Diva NashVegas. The manuscripted cybered it's way to my editors' Inbox.

Thank you, thank you, thank you Jesus.

Off to the booksigning.

Up to my eyeballs

Up to my eyeballs in Diva edits.

My heroine, Aubrey James, is so much better than my writing can create her to be. True. She's such a fascinating character. I hope to do her justice.

Back to work.